Other Snips
How late is it? I rise from our bed and pace the room. I do not want to. You have to. I cannot. You must.
Where will I hide her body after I commit such an act? I hate to think about it. Perhaps just bring a sack up? Then what? Bury her? Leave her in the forest somewhere? I press my hands against my eyes. How will I even explain her sudden disappearance to Nathan?
She rolls over, softly sighing. I bite my lip as I watch her. My hands tremble with each breath and tears stream down my face, blurring my sight. I have to. Her or me. I have to. I will be merciful, anyway. I will make it quick. She will not feel a thing. It is better if I do it, anyway. If I am ever suspected…
That is right. The Ambassador holds children in absolutely no regard…what terrors they would put the little girl through? Better by my own hand than by those awful soldiers.
My own hand. I have not even picked up my knife yet. It is still hidden between the bed’s leg and the wall. I clutch it, watching the moonlight cast fractured rays on the walls as the beams reflect off the metal. I stand over the bed and take a deep breath. I close my eyes, breathing through my nostrils. Let the scene fade. Let it all disappear.
Nothing.
I close my eyes again and take deep breaths. Let the room blur and the sounds vanish.
A little girl still sleeps before me.
Try again. Again. Still nothing. Nothing I do can make her image fade. I breathe and close my eyes. I do not even have the resolve to raise the dagger above her. I take another breath.
She smiles in her sleep. I never noticed her doing that before.
I cannot face her. I walk to the other side of the bed. Already matted again. I should have just braided her hair instead.
And for what, Are’An? You are about to take her!
I pull the blanket over her head and gently rub my hand over it, feeling for her temple. I will be quick. I hold the knife up.
Forgive me.
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